“Why did God have to make his Ten Commandments so negative?” I asked my wife as I drove her to the airport for her flight to St. Louis.
“Pardon me?” she replied.
My non sequiturs confuse most people, but Becky plays along.
“When we were raising kids, you taught me to use affirming directions rather than negative ones,” I said.
“For example, you suggested I not say, ‘Don’t run,’ but instead say, ‘Please Walk.’ We also replaced, ‘Don’t yell,’ with, ‘Use your inside voice.’”
Becky seemed pleased that I remembered her advice and allowed me a bit more latitude to express my thoughts.
“God should have been more affirming with his commandments.”
“You think you can do better?” she asked.
“Maybe. I’ll write a positive list and ask my readers what they think.”
“You do that, but in the meantime, I think I’ll be safer in St. Louis,” she said as we pulled up to the terminal for our curbside kiss.
I went home and checked my yard for an inspirational burning bush but found none.
Just a lot of dry shrubs.
But fortunately, I did have an iPad. So, I sat down to wordsmith the commandments into something short and easy for all faiths to understand.
- “You shall have no other gods before Me.”
In my new-and-improved version, God would say, “I’m the only one.” The declaration worked well for Tigger in “Winnie the Pooh” when he said, “The wonderful thing about Tiggers is I’m the only one.”
- “You shall make no idols.”
“Stay focused on Me” might have made a more optimistic rewrite for God’s idea of discouraging theological adultery.
- “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.”
“I’m God, not Santa,” is my paraphrase for God.
The original intention wasn’t to forbid swearing but to dissuade folks who vainly used God’s name to force him to grant their whims. See my past columnson this commandment.
- “Keep the Sabbath day holy” is positively worded, but I think God would be OK to add, “Find holiness in all your days.”
- “Honor your father and your mother” is sufficiently upbeat, so I probably needn’t add, “and pay for your parents’ cruise.”
- “You shall not murder.”
“Make life matter.” Respect each life as if it were all lives. And respect all life as if it were one life.
- “You shall not commit adultery.”
“Dance with the one that brought you.” I can almost hear God humming Shania Twain’s song of that title,
“Don’t let the green grass fool you
Don’t let the moon get to you
Dance with the one that brought you and you can’t go wrong.”
- “You shall not steal.”
“Give with all your heart to those in need” may honor God’s intention here.
- “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.”
“Find truth and nurture it.” Share it with the powerful and the powerless.
- “You shall not covet.”
“Yearn for all things that will help others.” Desire only what helps your neighbor, your partner, your family and our world.
A few days later, I emailed Becky the column proof so she could suggest changes. Her comments didn’t come until I returned to the airport a week later to pick her up.
“How was your flight?” I asked.
“Good,” she said, “but I’m not sure that column is going to fly with your readers.”
“What makes you say that?” I asked.
She smiled before answering. “As usual, when you are quoting me, you often break the ‘false witness’ commandment.”
“I prefer the more positive way to describe those quotes – “creative attribution.”
“I’m really not sure I should be leaving you alone again,” she added.
I smiled. Mission accomplished.
Chaplain Norris Burkes began his chaplain career with both the active-duty Air Force and the Air National Guard until his retirement in 2014. He later served as a board-certified healthcare chaplain at Sutter Memorial, Kaiser, Methodist and Mather VA hospitals and continues to work with area Hospice. His column is syndicated to more than 35 accredited news outlets in multiple states, with www.folsomtimes.com being one of his newest additions. Read past columns at www.thechaplain.net.
*Views expressed in published guest commentaries are those of the author or submitting organization and do not necessarily represent those of Folsom Times or All Town Media, LLC.