There’s an old joke about a pastor who shared a dressing mirror with his wife every Sunday morning.
Checking his tie, he asked, “Honey, how many great preachers do you think there really are in the world?”
“I’m not sure,” she said while reaching to straighten his mismatched tie.
“But I think there is one less than you think there is.”
I’m not sure my new congregation or my wife Becky would say I’m a great preacher, but I do believe I’m a better pastor thanks to the late James Morton.
Forty years ago this month, I accepted my first parish and I quickly realized that seminary didn’t teach me everything.
I needed mentoring and Jim, pastor of First Big Church, was up for the challenge. Every Tuesday, for two years, he shared his wise advice while listening to all my church problems.
Jim stressed three best practices for pastoring. They also work for just being a nice person.
First, “Always carry a pen, it’s a powerful device,” he said.
Second, “Use that pen to write compliments, never to pen criticisms.”
Jim wrote the nicest things to those needing an encouraging word. Often his parishioners shared those notes with friends, expanding Jim’s ministry message.
If were mentoring me today, he’d probably urge me to add text messages and emails to convey gratitude. People will often forward those messages or post them on social media, and ministry is expanded.
Finally, when it comes to reproving others, Jim urged me to use the calm tone of spoken words. “People may be taken aback by your words,” he said. “But the sting will dissipate over time. Words are fluid, and allow for feedback and revising your understanding.”
Never, he emphasized, send someone a critical note.
Jim knew this was good advice for me. Even then, I was a good writer and my words had helped some but hurt others.
If you scold someone with the written word, he explained “they will nurse those words for a very long time.” The words will expand in the heart of the criticized and become far worse than what was intended.
I know his advice to be true. In the 21 years of writing this syndicated column, I’ve received thousands of compliments.
Oddly enough, I best remember the critical ones. I’ve been called a moron and told to “grow up.” Some say they use my column to line bird cages. One minister called my column, “drivel.” Apparently, she didn’t have Jim for a mentor.
While these folks have long forgotten their comments, Jim was right – biting words leave an aftertaste when written. In the echo of my head, they question my worthiness.
And before you advise me to “Buck up, don’t be a whiner.” Jim told me that too.
You may not be a pastor, but Jim’s wisdom fits any job or situation.
Speak your critiques and pen your compliments. Spoken words will fade, written compliments need never die.
Or as Ephesians 4:29 teaches, “Say only what helps, each word a gift.” (The Message.)
Jim offered one last piece of advice: “When you retire, take all your experiences back to a small church again.”
“Why?” I asked, still hoping to become a “great and famous pastor.”
He explained that small churches can have big problems and need experienced pastors, not seminary grads using them as a steppingstone for flashier opportunities.
Twenty years ago, Jim retired from First Big Church and took a part time job as director of missions, which is the closest Baptist equivalent to the office of bishop. I presume Jim used the new office to mentor the pastors of his 18 small churches.
In the meantime, I took that last piece of advice. I now pastor a small church just a few miles from the church he was serving before his retirement.
In hopes, I’ve made some improvement over the years, I occasionally dare ask my wife how many great pastors there are in the world now.
Becky shakes her head and, faithful to follow our old litany, says “STILL, one less than you think there is.”
My friend Jim died 20 years ago in a plane crash in Alaska. RIP.
Chaplain Norris Burkes began his chaplain career with both the active-duty Air Force and the Air National Guard until his retirement in 2014. He later served as a board-certified healthcare chaplain at Sutter Memorial, Kaiser, Methodist and Mather VA hospitals and continues to work with area Hospice. His column is syndicated to more than 35 accredited news outlets in multiple states, with www.folsomtimes.com being one of his newest additions.Read past columns at www.thechaplain.net..
*Views expressed in published guest commentaries are those of the author or submitting organization and do not necessarily represent those of Folsom Times or All Town Media, LLC.